I’ve been having a lot of dreams about people I’ve dated previously including my recent ex and the one before him. The image was of losing one and rekindling with another. Those dreams definitely put me in an uncomfortable spot that’s for sure because I do still care for my recent ex, we have has history for five years. That definitely leaves a mark. And the other one gave me my longest relationship for the first time in years. These people, while nostalgia and sadness may consume me, and while I still miss my recent ex and just wanna be in his arms and be with him, I just don’t even want to. My feelings are hurt and still lust over him. But I know my heart deserves better and I was at least glad to be able to be one of the few women he does care about because I got to show him some of the most passionate and goofy love, the best love, he could ever have as a beginner. The memories were amazing and I’ll always love him, but he’s too selfish and hes just logically not compatible to what I want and need in my life. If he came back and wanted me back (for the sixth time mind you) it would be one of the hardest no’s I’d have to say. I am ready to start a new chapter with someone else when the time is right. Right now I’m not emotionally ready but I am ready to meet new people and make friends at the moment. I need balance. And when I find that special someone, I won’t have to cry all the time due to mistreatment or something, I’ll know they love me which is something I’ve never had before.